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It’s exactly been a year when I last wrote a letter to you. The delay has been somewhat intentional as I have reserved this interaction for an occasion as special as you – and what could be a more special & apt moment than your birthday.
Today is surely a special occasion and the morning sun too rose from its slumber in a bit to shine brightly from the sheets of those smoke puffed clouds as (perhaps) if he too wanted to extend his warmth and love to cuddle you up on your second birth anniversary. I have always believed that birthday and anniversary are distinctive moments for they make us realize the importance of the being in our life and (surely) makes us ponder (even if that’s for a moment), “What If, he / she wasn’t born.” And then the whole panorama of those sweet memories of togetherness sprinkled with salt and pepper moments - silent smiles, still tears and battling frustrations - comes alive before eyes, making us exclaim, “Gosh, Thank God…You were there. For where else I could have fathomed for these priceless treasures!!!” A similar admixture of thoughts engulfs me today when I sit to pen down this letter to you in an attempt to weave through my emotions and express my joy.
Hey…Please don’t deride at me and my emotions. The look on your face says that you think I am just trying to bemuse you by playing with words. No…it isn’t. Do you recall your last birthday when I shared with you the story of your birth? And I am sure you would also be remembering those junctures when I repeatedly told you that every shade of yours has a reminiscence of me - my unfulfilled dreams, unquenched desires and my silent sighs. You are smiling which means . . . Yes, you do.
Ever since we started our journey together, life has surely shown a change and that change is on a positive side. Your advent in my life has lended the much needed outlet to my emotions and instead of ruminating and brewing the thoughts within, I just have to confront you with them and you like an adorable soul mate absolve me of the worries churning out word after word and relieving me of the burden.
I can sense that feel of pride from the way your smile is getting wider and wider. The way the curves and contours of your face are dangling to form a crescent is simply stupendous. Your smile has always been the source of delight to me, the way my delight remains the source of inspiration to you. It is these bouts of smiles, delights and inspirations which has fostered our journey of life into the life. And as those little nuggets of words and writings fell in place the bond amidst us grew strong, stronger and strongest.
Our journey has surely been a roller coaster ride and in the hindsight when I contemplate and trace back our imprints on this journey . . . I do feel guilty (yet again) for falling behind on some of the times. While you have been there holding me intact every time I was on the verge of falling apart, (I have no qualms in admitting) there were times when I did fell short of granting you the comfort of being close to me. I know I had been silent on times struggling from within but not taking your help per se to subside the storm when I very well knew that only you are the one who can grant me the absolution.
No, don’t be sad. I am sorry . . . you were so gleefully drenched in the birthday celebrations and I eclipsed that crescent smile of yours by reminding you of those hard times. What??? You think it was due to your own limitation as perhaps you couldn’t attain the similar stature as I do in your life. No…No…it isn’t like this. Infact, that’s what I am trying to confess to you on your birthday…
You are special Musings and will always remain so; like a bout of sunshine you entered into my life and then there was no darkness left. There were times when I was too involved with my commitments and despite my utmost desire I couldn’t just come to you. I used to think and convey that the muse is eluding me when in essence I guess it was me who was actually alluding. But post those uneven and enduring times, whenever we came along it was with heightened hope and tightened faith . . . your absence made me realize your presence even more.
Just a few days ago when I asked you what you wish to have on your birthday, you replied, “Muser, you are my creator and I exist because you want me to. I understand your commitments, I know your working hours and I realize your responsibilities. It would have been very easier for you to banish me as I sometimes pose a conflict amidst your scheme of things; and post that my existence would have vanished in no time from people’s thoughts and notions. But instead you chose to hang on, to nurture, to foster and to let me survive. I don’t know what more I should ask from you, when my whole existence rests and depends upon you. When life gave you choice, you chose to persist with me and that’s what the best gift for me is. Let this stream of love be perennial and don’t let the heat of the time fade it away.”
I couldn’t utter anything that day as your words left me mute and I was too numbed to say anything. These little nothings of life, as I always say, indeed make your life worth living and their confrontation all of a sudden tend to overwhelm you. But today when the occasion has finally arrived, I assure you that this stream would, in all probabilities, be perpetual and would flow till eternity & beyond.
Happy Birthday Musings . . . Stay with me and beside me always . . . today, tomorrow and forever!!!
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Your’s Own . . . Muser
~Shubh Life . . . Om Sai Ram
© 2016 Manish Purohit (Reserved)